Diary of a Meat Boy: Super Meat Boy Sort-Of Review

Team Meat's Super Meat Boy will make you shout, growl, swear, throw the controller and punch your cat, but you still need to play it.

It's another release that makes the phrase "indie game" synonymous with "super-difficult puzzle-platformer" in the style of Braid and N+ and others before it, but that doesn't lessen its impact or diminish the amount of fun you'll have playing it. It's mean, but it's rewarding, and the sheer depth of the gameplay available is enough to keep a completionist busy for weeks.

We're a bit far out from the game's release for an official review, so I decided that I'd just document my experience playing the game from start to finish. If you've played the game yourself, I hope that you recognize some of the peaks and valleys.

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This Fall In Gaming, Digested in Haiku

Sing to me, O Muse, of the 2010 Holiday Gaming season, when the industry’s biggest studios trot out their moneymakers for yet another autumnal blitz of first-person shooters, paint by numbers sequels….

One moment. My lute seems out of tune. Bear with me.

Yep. That time of year again. The air’s a little crisper, wallets are a little looser and every desensitized 10-year-old is putting the new Call of Duty absurdity at the top of their list.

Ah. I’m being cynical. Allow me to offer  a sampling of this season’s biggest releases, summarized in that pithy, time-honored form of poetry: the haiku.

Second verse; same as the first.

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E3 2010: Prediction Haikupalooza

It’s always hard to predict E3.  If you asked me this time last year if I thought Microsoft would unveil a Minority Report peripheral (though we should really start aiming for hands-free tech like Tony Stark’s in Iron Man 2), I would’ve laughed.  If you then asked me if I thought Sony would follow that with a hastily assembled tech demo of some gussied up remote controls, I would’ve doubled over and peed myself. 

Don’t even get me started on the Wii Vitality Sensor.

So while it’s impossible to predict what madness will rise above the show floor and truly stun us, it’s plenty of fun to try.

And just to make sure you don’t take us too seriously, we’ve composed our prophecies in haiku.

Valve

Freeman, crowbar, sphinx: 
My hope tastes like surrender.
Bring on the zombies.

Portal 2 surprise
Finally a crossover?
Now let us eat cake.

Call of Duty: Black Ops

As Mos Def says: more
of less than ever before. 
Look, you're 'modern.' Yawn.

Sony

Perhaps PS4.
Perhaps an auto-da-fe.
All the same, really.

The Kevin Butler
Better host Sony’s presser.
Dude simply can’t fail.

X-COM

Mad Men, Bodysnatch,
Bioshock. All good, but not
the game I love. Boo.

Nintendo

Will the 3DS
Actually show its face?
Need 3D Layton.

We all want Zelda.
Do we really? It might be
Kind of stupid, guys.

Microsoft

No more J. Allard.
Where have all the hoodies gone?
Left with this guy now.

Halo Halo Reach,
Halo Halo Halo Reach:
Halo Halo Reach!

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More Q1 2010 Video Game Haikus

Rob has a good point about how the traditional holiday gaming gold rush has not been abolished, merely moved back a couple of months. Looking at the Q1 release list, it’s absolutely packed. And then you get to April, and there are like five games coming out, total, on all platforms combined. When will they learn.

Anyway, I thought Rob’s game haiku idea was pretty good, and like all good ideas, it deserves to be stolen. Submitted for your consideration, my most anticipated games of the next three months… in haiku.

Feb. 16: Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth

New Ace Attorney
Takes things out of the courtroom
Objection sustained

March 9: Final Fantasy XIII

Spike up your blond hair,
Androgynous hero-man.
Time to save the world.

March 14: Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver

My face, red with shame
But I buy it ev'ry time
Let me show you them

March ??: Mega Man 10

8-bit revival
It was cute the first nine times
The hell is Sheep Man?

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Quarter 1 Is The New Quarter 4

It's a favorite past-time in the videogame blogosphere to bitch about the lopsidedness of videogame release dates. Everything seems tilted towards the holiday calendar, with all major AAA titles hitting shelves between September and December.

2009 was different. Some have speculated that the intimidating commercial presence of Activision's Call of Duty: Modern JackBauerfare 2 cleared the calendar, but whatever the reason, there are a ton of high-profile games coming out in the first slice of 2010. It's as impressive, if not more impressive, than 2009's holiday lineup. Here's what you can expect:

Jan. 12: Army of Two: The 40th Day

In haiku:

In my eyesights, dawg

Serious face, in China

Chance for redemption?

Jan. 26: Mass Effect 2

In haiku:

Commander Shepard!

Where is your face? Where did it -

Oh, wait. There it is.

Feb. 9: Bioshock 2

In haiku:

Four developers.

Consider my faith shaken.

But a drill hand - nice.

Feb. 9: Dante's Inferno

In haiku:

With a lit degree,

How can I not be opposed?

Stick in butt; don't care.

Feb. 16: Alien Vs. Predator

In haiku:

Marine, fishnets, bug.

Take your pick. Who cares, really,

it's game over, man.

Feb. 23: Splinter Cell: Conviction

In haiku:

Jack Bauer! Save us!

Wait, who are you? Sam whatnow?

Angry bathrooms; scowls.

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