Fist-Pumping All Over Again...

Remember last year between August and October? For me, it was all a blur of fake tans, rippling muscles, and drunks falling all over themselves trying to put on a show for the camera. Because for those three glorious months, I reviewed every single episode of the second season of MTV's The Jersey Shore. I was so engrossed in that world that it wasn't at all out of the ordinary to hear me burst into song about T-Shirt Time or exclaim for all the world to hear that the "Cabs ah heah!" So imagine my surprise when I heard that Season 3 of SallyAnn Salsano's megahit premiered to record numbers, and I didn't even notice!

I know, I know, for someone who works in the reality television field, I'm hopelessly (blissfully?) unaware of what's going on in the industry. It was mostly by accident that I stumbled upon the first season of Jersey Shore and a pure act of will to stick with my "Fist-Pump Gazette" feature for an entire season. I mean, after my experience watching Season 2 cover to cover, I've had enough guidos and guidettes to last a lifetime. But when I heard that episode 301 was MTV's highest rated broadcast EVER, I decided I had to check it out via the magic of MTV.com.

What did I discover? Hit the jump to find out.

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The Fist-Pump Gazette #13: "We're healthy, we're not hurt, and we're not handcuffed. And that's all that matters."

Well, that's one more season of Jersey Shore for the books, ladies and gentlemen. You can tell because all through episode 213, everyone kept going on about how this was their "last [insert activity] of Miami." Their last (and first) airboat tour of the Everglades. Their last time going to the club and hooking up with mad bitches. Their last romantic dinners with significant others. Their last knock-down, drag-out fight over who called who fake or who ratted who out or who said what to whom.

But as one door closes, another one opens, and in January 2011, we'll see our favorite Guidos and Guidettes once again taking the stage back at Seaside Heights, NJ. I mentioned this last time, but it seems like some of the hype has definitely died down. There's no real anticipation for new episodes because there's no mystery anymore. Anyone who has a facebook or a twitter or a google knows that Season 2 ends without incident and the Season 3 will follow fast on its heels. The only reason to tune in episode to episode is to see how the minutiae plays out and maybe to catch some memorable quotes here and there.

And maybe it's just me (I've remained blissfully unaware of the ratings this season), but I'm getting just a little tired of the schtick we see on the show week to week. It's almost like they're going through the motions - I know GTL is in itself a routine, but they used to execute it with just a little more flair.

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The Fist-Pump Gazette #12: "If you're lookin' good, you're feelin' good. If you're feelin' good, you're gettin' good resuts."

These Jersey Shore fellows sure know how to deal with a little drama. We left last week's episode all concerned about Mike and his mood swings and his controlling attitude. I mean, he ruined Snooki's night when her BEST FRIEND was in town. That's pretty low and destructive behavior. But then all it takes is a well-placed apology and a "smile for the camera" the next morning, and they're a family again. While it's true that The Situation has turned himself into a pretty successful global brand and rumors are swirling about a spinoff involving Snooki, everyone involved realizes they're more valuable as a group than as individuals.

But things are far from peaceful in New Jersey, FL - Snooki and Mike's antics get the group bounced out of Miami's hottest club (Space), Sammi and Ronnie are back to their old mindless arguing, and Situation cockblocks his roommate Pauly D not once, but twice. It's almost as if the cast loses more and more control as they approach next week's season finale.

And who could blame them, really? We're at 9.6 percent unemployment nationwide. I know these seven people have no immediate danger of losing their livelihood or falling out of the public spotlight any time soon. But now that they've been bitten by the acting bug, they're subject to the stress and anxiety that comes from being "between gigs at the moment." And it's obviously taking its toll.

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The Fist-Pump Gazette #11: "One day, there will be the pimp of all pimps, and his name will be The Situation."

Well, after 10 episodes, Angelina has officially left the show. Of course, she had mentally checked out as soon as she signed the contract to appear on Season 2, but she rode it out as far as she could possibly go, we got some good drama out of it, but now it's the end of an era. Of the seven remaining Shore house members, only Sammi appears somewhat distraught at the departure of the Staten island Dump, seeing as she's totally alienated from the other two girls in the house as a result of note-gate.

As expected, with Angelina gone, we return to the one other source of conflict that we've seen this season: the Sammi and Ronnie story, or at least its aftermath. Since Sam and Ron are back together, the only part of the saga left to focus on is the girls' side of the story, which revolves around such girly topics as betrayal of trust and being honest and straightforward with your friends. Snooki wants to kiss and make up, but Sam and JWOWW want no part of each other.

Actually, what I said before isn't exactly true: there have been other dramatic storylines throughout Season 2. Vinnie was tragically stood up by the girl of his dreams. Mike has seemingly been letting his fame and wealth get to his head. And Snooki... well, let's just say that Snooki tried to rescue one of the lobsters from the stove by putting it into a fishbowl filled with tap water.

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The Fist-Pump Gazette #10: "I think we got too much sun today."

What a momentous episode of Jersey Shore this week, huh? Angelina finally snaps and decides to leave the show. Who couldn't see that coming a mile away, seeing as the exact same thing happened last season as well? As I mentioned before, I wasn't watching the show when Angelina left the first time, but I imagine it was pretty much the same scenario - a slow buildup of annoyance, she leaves without much fanfare, and everyone else in the house is happier and more relaxed than when she was there.

This is one problem with reality shows that last multiple seasons with the same cast: the people involved are real people, with real personalities. This is partly what makes it interesting, since the story arcs evolve out of genuine emotional reactions as opposed to being crafted by writers and actors. But it also means that history is more likely to repeat itself.

Sammi and Ronnie's relationship trouble. Angelina's surprise return and not-so-surprising exit. Snooki's search for a man. These are all familiar Jersey Shore elements that have been featured prominently in both seasons so far. I'll admit, it's a little comforting to know exactly what's coming when I tune into MTV every week, but how long before us Jersey Shore-ites long for some variation?

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The Fist-Pump Gazette #9: "How the hell did I wake up and my hair's still done?"

If the recap of last week's show is to serve as any indication of what plotlines are to come (as it always has before), it appears that we're finally through with the Ronnie and Sammi drama. It's been replaced with Angelina drama, which has always proved dependable and entertaining. But now we get to focus less on how much her roommates hate her and more on how she plays her sometime boyfriend Jose for a fool by first leading him on, then refusing him birthday sex... then lying about it later, telling everyone in the house that they had smashed.

File this one under "It seems like a bad idea now, and will definitely be revealed as a bad idea later." But before Ang reaps the full consequences from her actions, it's time to explore some more relationship drama. We are presented with a sampling of one in every capacity: failed (Vinny), burgeoning (Pauly and Rocio), and advanced (Jenni and Tom, who arrived just for the week). And then of course there's Sam and Ron, who appear to have fully fallen back into their old habits. Who knows, maybe some people are capable of real change. And sometimes Miami's just the place to inspire it.

The only ones left out of the couples party are Mike (who's making the most of the situation) and Nicole (who only succeeds in getting drunk, interrupting Jenni and Tom, and ending up in Vinny's bed again). Read on to find out what scandal ensued!

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The Fist-Pump Gazette #8: "You Do Stupid Things When You're Drunk"

Let's start right at the beginning: the title quote comes from Angelina describing her last-episode hookup with Vinny, the guy she ostensibly hates the most in the house. Also the guy who gave her the nickname "The Staten Island Dump." But both were drunk, so neither need take responsibility for their actions. It makes for a great A-Story, summed up in the following quote:

"Angelina has proven the ho equation."

Mike plays professor and expounds on the theory that if a guy (Jose) treats a girl (Angelina) right - i.e. takes her out on dates, buys her gifts - he won't get any action. But if a guy (Vinny) takes that same girl and calls her names, demeans her in front of her friends, and generally makes his disgust known, then, bam! instant smoosh.

Find out what other commonly held theories are proven true or false after the jump.

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The Fist-Pump Gazette #6 and #7: BONUS DOUBLE ISSUE

Suffice it to say, the consciousness-expansion I experienced at Burning Man did in fact impact my values to the extent that I find it karmically questionable to chronicle the misadventures of eight irresponsible drunks gallivanting around the streets of Miami for no substantive reason, even if they comprise the cast of the most popular reality show of the season. But as I'm currently laid up with a sprained ankle and there doesn't seem to be anything better for me to do, I present to you the first ever Fist-Pump Gazette BONUS DOUBLE ISSUE!

Gah, everyone's still on about that note and who wrote it and what it said. The storyline has definitely been over-exploited, but I will say that The Situation's take on it is kind of interesting. He cautions Sammi to break things off because Ronnie's behavior was making her look stupid. While he didn't mention anything about feelings - either hers or his - appealing to Sammi's sense of how others perceive her might not be a bad strategy to actually inspire some action on her part.

Things finally come to a head when Snooki wants to tell Sam about the letter. But when it's rug-cutting time, she gets peer-pressured into not coming clean. I feel like this whole note drama is becoming like the trope in a long-running scripted show when the two popular characters who have big crushes on each other never get together for fear of ruining a successful dynamic. Only in this case, the dynamic is as frustrating as it is morally suspect.

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The Fist-Pump Gazette BONUS VACATION EDITION

As some of you may already know, by the time you are reading this, I will be at the Burning Man festival in Nevada's Black Rock Desert. Thus without access to cable television or a computer with internet access for the entire week, there's no way for me to watch this week's "Jersey Shore."

Instead I will be cruising around the playa on my bike, wearing my Batman costume (except with no pants), checking out whatever crazy parties, music, and artistic creations 50,000 burners have the energy to set up. The theme this year is "Metropolis," so I'm sure we'll be seeing plenty Superman iconography and also a bunch of the above-pictured robots from Fritz Lang's classic film.

Since I can't watch the episode, I decided to pre-write this week's Gazette with some of the things I learned from watching "Jersey Shore" five weeks in a row:

* If you get drunk enough, it doesn't matter where/how you pass out. Keep your jeans, shoes, sunglasses on... or even your lav mic attached to your shirt. You'll probably spike it and hurt the sound guy's ears the moment you flop on your bed, but I'll bet all that sleeptalking audio they get it pure gold.

* If someone accuses you of doing something - whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, whether you did it or not - "deny, deny, deny." Remember, you can always tell another lie, but the consequences you might have to face by telling the truth never go away.

* Act like everybody's watching... but like nobody will ever see you. It constantly amazes me: the contrast between the show these people put on for the cameras and their vain efforts to keep secrets from one another. This dynamic is starting to make everything look more and more contrived.

 
We'll see, when I return from this week-long experiment in temporary community with 50,000 people, if I still have the patience to sit and watch the episode I missed. Perhaps my values will be so impacted by a week in the 100-degree-days, 30-degree-nights with no running water or electricity that I'll have no more patience for hanging on the every word of these strangely compelling party animals.

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The Fist-Pump Gazette #5: "If they end up back together, she looks like the dumbest b!*&#"

Well, hey, here I am still watching the "Jersey Shore" and here we go with the same drawn-out, going-nowhere storylines that haven't changed since Day 1. But it's a brand new week, anything is possible, and I'm confident that all the twists and turns will end this episode with a shocking revelation and decisive action.

So let me tell you straight up: Sammi finds the anonymous letter left for her by Nicole and Jenni detailing all Ron's previous infidelities. I've never gone through middle school as a teenage girl, but after typing the previous sentence, I'm pretty sure I now have at least some insight into how it feels.

Sam confronts Ron, they fight, and she ends up dumping him. Point for the good guys! But then when she asks both Jenni and Nicole, point blank, whether they were responsible for the note, they adopt Ronnie's strategy from previous episodes: "deny, deny, deny." Point for the bad guys.

That's basically the plot. Read on for further analysis and predictions

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The Fist-Pump Gazette #4: "If the horse is dead, then you gotta leave it alone"

After three episodes of nonstop hitting us over the head with Sammi and Ronnie's doomed relationship, let's see what new storylines they can come up with this week... Apparently none: as the episode's title ("Breaking Up") and Previously segment would suggest, it's gonna be all about feelings and sadness and emo fights that we've seen a thousand times before. Has so little happened in Miami so far that we have to have to go over this stuff again and again? Ronnie puts it best in his confessional with the line that became the title of this week's gazette.

The whole conceit of this situation is that Sammi doesn't know about Ron's behavior, and no one is coming clean with her. She asked Nicole and Jenni straight-up and they say nothing. She asked Angelina, and she says nothing. They even contrive a night of infantile parlor games where they manage to ask Ron point-blank if he's ever cheated on someone... and he doesn't fess up.

And that continues for the whole episode: she hates him, she loves him, they're together, they've split up. Nobody's telling Sammi the truth, even though they know a) she will find out, b) she will know they kept information from her, and c) the longer they wait, the worse it will get. This whole show is turning into a highly ironic/predictable/hypocritical cautionary tale. Which means it won't get even remotely interesting until everything blows up completely.

The girls seem intent on pushing it to that conclusion (thankfully) when they decide their best course of action is to write Sammi an anonymous letter outlining Ron's transgressions rather than just tell her themselves. The obvious question is: How could this possibly be a good idea? There are CAMERAS FILMING THEM while they write their ANONYMOUS LETTER. Again, granted, they probably know that everything is going to come to a head on camera before the show airs. But are they at least at all aware of the irony of the situation?

I'm curious who came up with this anonymous letter idea. I mean, it's pretty clear that JWOWW suggests it and puts it into motion. But who suggested to her that she suggest it on camera? Or alternatively, who failed to suggest a better idea to her when she brought up the anonymous letter? A good story producer on a hit reality show subtly shape the actions of their characters into entertaining television, by both putting them in positions to make entertaining choices and downplaying choices that will eventually go nowhere. And I feel like Season 2 of Jersey Shore fails on both counts.

SPOILER ALERT: Sammi will find out about Ron's cheating, and she will find out that EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE BUT HER knew about it since Day 1. She will be emotionally distraught. She will question all of her friendships. Then she will probably return to Ronnie.

I'm sick of this whole Ronnie and Sammi thing, so I'm going to try and look into the future of the show. What cool storylines could possibly be brewing, apart from the main, mind-numbing drama?

- Everyone seems pretty cool with Angelina, and maybe she's turned a corner. Redemption is apparently easier to come by in the easygoing atmosphere of Miami than the cold, unforgiving actual Jersey Shore.

- Snooki found out that her boyfriend cheated on her. So maybe we'll get a nice preview of Snooki's inevitable solo spin-off show, "Snookin' for Love."

- Vinny and Pauly are going to .... hit on some girls? I don't know.

These aren't so much potential storylines as they are just things that happen on the show. Nothing new is coming down the pipes, and everything that's predictable is just boring. If this show is going to keep America interested, the next plot point is gonna have to come straight out of left field. Continue...

The Fist-Pump Gazette #3: "You Tryin' to Smoosh Me Now?"

Episode 3 is titled "Creepin" - a term Shorites use to describe aggressive/inappropriate/unwelcome flirting. So far this episode is continuing the storylines from last time, so maybe these episode titles are just in place to spread Jersey Shore vocabulary to whoever pays attention to them. (If the previous two episodes sported titles, I was not paying enough attention to notice them.) Here's how Act I plays out:

As in last week's episode, we start this one before the previous night's end, with the culmination of Angelina's fight with Pauly D. Just as things look bleakest for her future in the house, - after she's "stepped on the only toes she had" - some kind words and good advice from Snooki prompt her to go on a round of apologies. Pauly is lukewarm, preferring they go their separate ways, but the girls seem receptive at first. We'll see how things stand in the cold light of day.

Nothing could possibly go wrong in Ronnie and Sammi's dreamworld. Except when Ron gets drunk, parties too aggressively, and blows up at Sammi for not having a good time at the club. She goes home, which makes Ron think "he's allowed to creep." Which he does, in abundance. Then (deja vu, anyone?) he goes back home and gets in Sammi's bed. How can this not blow up in his face, and soon? Read on to find out.

The first thing I've noticed about the Jersey Shore Code of Ethics is that accountability is at once the most and least important trait to possess. When Ronnie creeps behind Sammi's back, his first instinct is to "deny deny deny." When Snooki tries to talk some sense into him about hooking up with other girls, he seems oblivious - "I never crossed any line. I never crossed it."

Angelina is like the reverse-poster child for a healthy sense of accountability. She denied furiously that she ever talked sh*t about any of the girls (which she later admitted, also at Snooki's suggestion). She even denied smacking Pauly D across the face, which video evidence clearly supports. Even Snooki's first reaction when she dropped episode 2's dinner all over the floor was "I didn't do it!"

The more egregious offenders use the excuse "I was drunk, I don't remember" as readily as logicians employ the reductio ad absurdum argument. It's their go-to whenever they feel uncomfortable about something or unsure how to react. Maybe it's their upbringing, maybe it's all the cameras. Maybe it is actual memory loss. It also seems way too convenient to be true all the time.

However, sometimes this excuse isn't an excuse at all, but rather just a bout of pure and simple morning-after forgetfulness. Like when Vinny wakes up and asks: "Did I bang Snooki last night? Did I do the unthinkable?" Hey, he didn't think it was so unthinkable before they went out last night, when Vinny told Snooki that she took his breath away (prompting Snooks to respond with an eyebrow-raise and the title of this week's gazette). It's examples of free love such as these that keep the show light and fun.

Meanwhile, with the Angelina drama ostensibly behind us (at least her drama with the girls), we can now focus on the mixed signals Ron is sending to Sammi. He calls her his girlfriend by day, then gets in fights with her by night. The best way I can describe their (highly produced) relationship is as two trains heading towards each other. It's all there: both the imminent collision and the inability to look away.

I don't even know why I care about these two people. Their relationship is marketed as a roller coaster ride, but in reality it feels more like a crash test. I'd much rather gawk at the guys entertaining "grenades" in the hot tub. (It's a good thing MTV got those girls to sign a release before they could hear what the guys were saying about them via voice-over.) Or empathize with Snooki about being too short to reach the gelato in the store. (That's right, they still go to work occasionally.)

Oh, look, Ronnie's totally oblivious to Sammi's feelings ONCE AGAIN, choosing to go out with the guys after promising to stay in and cuddle. They've turned this into the A-Story and they're gonna string this out as long as possible before things blow up. This is really turning me off to the show. I do appreciate the montage of Ronnie creepin around the club set to an emo ballad. It's creative decisions like these (that and my commitment to this feature) that keep me tuning in each week. Continue...

The Fist-Pump Gazette #2: "I Love You So F*cking Much, And That's My Downfall"

*Previously on Jersey Shore:

PREMISE: We're in Florida this season instead of Jersey, bitches!

B-STORY: Angelina was there! "I thought I saw a ghost" -Pauly D. Catfights to come.

A-STORY: Sammi and Ronnie used to be in a relationship... and now they have to live together!
They announced they were "done" at the Reunion show, but no one seems to know why, and it's not clear whether they are still pining for each other.
(Either Sammi and Ronnie decided to start producing their own show and wrote themselves what will clearly be a break-up-make-up storyline. Or maybe they were just following the storylines composed by the producers - but pretended it was their own decision all along.)
Beautiful juxtaposition of a shot of Sammi falling asleep, alone, her sunglasses still perched atop her head, with a newly-single Ronnie engaging in a triple-kiss. Again, the description is best left to Pauly D: "I love Single Ronnie!"


Here's the episode where we actually get to see what goes on day-to-day at the "Jersey Shore takes Miami" experience. In Season 1, everyone's presence at the house, with free room and board, was explained through each of them having a job at a T-shirt shop on the boardwalk. It wasn't that anyone took it all that seriously, but it served as a condition of the show - if you want to stay in this sweet house, having sweet free parties every night, and having to deal with MTV cameras every minute of your life, you have to work in this T-Shirt shop during the day. Part of the "reason" Angelina "chose" to leave the show was that she got "fired" by the T-Shirt store boss (read: Executive VP Production at MTV) for "refusing" to go to work.

Are they going to have a similar condition for Season 2? Or has the network stopped trying to provide any further explanation for the show happening, beyond the facts that we love to watch it and they love to profit from it?

But wait! Last night's party still isn't over! Remember that in real life, a week has passed since the last show. But for the folks on the Shore, we pick up right where we left off.

In the interest of advancing the A-Story, Ronnie decided to drunkenly pass out in Sammi's bed. He subsequently proclaimed his love for her. Then he tried to pass it off as if he didn't remember anything in the morning. Will she buy it? Will she care?

This brings up a procedural issue: how can Ronnie deny what went on last night when every minute of it was captured on camera? She'll obviously find out after the show aired. And what's more, she'll find out that he was hiding it from her.

Before we can really think about that stuff, Snooki provides some comic relief, clumsily ruining tonight's dinner. In other news, the bathroom door is totally see-thru, and Season 2 is about to become a peep-show.

In B-Story news, Angelina talks on the phone all the time, and everyone still hates her. Snooki gives us a lesson in Virtue Ethics by confronting Angelina about "talking sh*t" about her friends behind her back. And JWOWW delivers a threat of her own: "You stay, you get your f*cking ass beat!" I hope Angelina's attorney didn't let her sign any kind of release, because this could get ugly. Girls tend to get hurt on this show.

Ronnie's mission to "deny, deny, deny" hits a snag when all the other guys gossip about him to all the other girls. Later in the show, Ronnie attempts a full-steam make-up conversation and delivers the title line of this week's Gazette. His big finish is some pretty sage advice: "If we f*cking love each other, then we f*cking love each other, and that's it. You work on your f*cking problems, and you f*cking grow from it. If you can't f*cking grow from it, then we can't be together." Sage advice that sounded like it came from the mouth of a sailor... but sage advice nonetheless.

But before you have a chance to hate yourself for actually getting into the story of these goofballs, everyone's off to work. In a gelato shop! So there's that question answered. They must have pretty flexible hours. Cuz they're still gonna party all the time. How else could Angelina get so drunk that she pushes Pauly D over the edge?

A huge surprise, I know, cast members of an MTV reality show getting drunk and hating each other. There's just something about this Angelina - whatever she does, she immediately gets on everyone's bad side. How much of that is her personality and how much is her character she's created for the show is unclear. And it's also unclear how much is on purpose and how much is unintentional. (Or at least it's unclear to me. Willing suspension of disbelief, I guess.)

The episode ends with Pauly declaring that his friendship with Angelina is history. She'd best watch her back in the episodes to come!

I wanted to find something to put here that ties all my observations together. Something meaningful about what went on this week, and how it relates to the big picture of Jersey Shore, and how that in turn relates to the Big Picture in general.

But there's nothing. Looking back on it, there's absolutely no reason to like this show. And by that I mean, no reasoning behind the fact that I do like it. And just as little reason in the fact that I can't turn away...
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The Fist-Pump Gazette #1: "I've Never Fist-Pumped a Day in my Life"

I must admit, I've never been a proponent of trashy reality shows. I'm not a big watcher of reality TV in general, whether informational shows (i.e. "Mythbusters"), competitions ("Survivor"), or heart-warming formatted documentaries ("Undercover Boss" - check out this promo for their BRAND NEW SEASON!). And it's not even that I'm biased and think they're ruining or "dumbing down" the medium - I think the last TV show I watched regularly on the air might have been "Batman: The Animated Series."

But there was something about the '90s - '00s MTV style reality fare that just kind of turned me off to the concept. "Real World" - let's put a bunch of whiners in a house together and watch them whine. "Road Rules" - ditto, but in a van. "The Hills" - check out these rich folks having fun in LA! "16 and Pregnant" - look at these people who made questionable life choices and see how they react when we shove cameras in their faces. I just didn't have the interest or the patience.

But then it happened. They hooked me. Eight lovable walking worst-stereotypes-imaginable worked their way into my heart with their drunken antics and absolutely ludicrous outlooks on life. And all of a sudden, I became a fan of "Jersey Shore."

As fondly as I remember the first season, I didn't watch it even close to regularly. I didn't come in until after Angelina had left the show (and was subsequently confused each time I kept seeing her intro card during the opening credits). It took me at least three episodes before I could distinguish between Ronnie and Pauly. But at some point - I can't tell if it was when "The Situation" explained the finer points of classifying someone as a "grenade" or when Snooki took a punch to the face like a champ - I realized I was having fun watching the show.

I don't particularly have a problem with the fact that they supposedly give Italian-Americans a bad name. These are people acting the way they choose to act - what does it matter to me what their heritage is? Sure, they act irresponsibly and they get into fights and they make fools out of themselves. But they don't take anything too seriously and they look like they're having a genuine good time with themselves. Which makes them genuinely fun to watch.

One thing the cast took seriously was their contract negotiations for season 2. After a messy holdout, in which each cast member netted $10,000 per episode, the next season got underway last Thursday... in Miami. That's right, the show named for a location will take place in a different location, due to a more cooperative climate and the network's unwillingness to shift the shoot dates.

The new location allowed for a fun first act of the season 2 premiere - having the cast make their way to the Miami location. Situation and Pauly D roadtripped together - they got their truck hopelessly stuck in the mud and shot off tons of fireworks while waiting for the Triple-A truck... which also got stuck in the mud. Snooki and Jenni also roadtripped together. During a pit stop in Georgia, they were approached by a local who gave a pathetically convulsive attempt at a Jersey fist-pump. (The title of this week's gazette comes from him.)

Upon arriving at the house, everyone was stunned to find that Angelina was back for season 2! Oh, snap! For someone like me, who didn't even rightly recognize Angelina, let alone remember any of last season's drama, the reveal was less than Earth-shattering. All that happened was that Snooki made a reference to her "Talking mad shit about me," and the rest of the girls on the show just shut down emotionally.

But the biggest plotline so far is the ex- relationship between Ronnie and Sammi. They got together during season 1, broke up in the interim, and are now living together again. Nobody really knows how they feel about each other, but when they (predictably) got into an argument during their first night on the town, Sammi ended up going home depressed, and Ronnie got drunk out of his mind and hooked up with tons of mad bitches at the club.

The episode ended with a hint of irony. Angelina mentions to Pauly D. how upset Sammi would be if she found out about Ronnie's behavior. To which Pauly responds, in full view of the camera, "She'll never know." Yeah, until the episode airs! I'm pretty sure he was being ironic, but then again I'm usually more willing than I should be to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Tune in next week to find out about all the illicit hookups, shoving matches, and catfights that were hinted at in the preview of coming episodes. I'll resume my scheduled Tuesday posts, with the Fist-Pump Gazette moving to Saturday afternoons.

Watch The Jersey Shore on MTV Network, Thursday nights at 9pm (last week's episode), 10pm (new episode), and 11pm (new episode again).
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