Showing posts with label Microsoft. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Microsoft. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Obscuring the Word of Notch: Minecraft and the Xbox 360

notchOne of the few true surprises of last week’s Microsoft E3 keynote was the announcement of Minecraft for the Xbox 360. We’ve talked a lot about Minecraft on this site, and with good reason. Its accessibility, its LEGO-like appeal, its constant stream of new content: they all keep Minecraft fresh and appealing months after its initial “release”. Odds are, that as I type this, someone on our writing staff is building or planning to build a new crazy structure on our multiplayer server.

Minecraft for the 360 makes a certain amount of fiscal sense. Let’s assume it’s a downloadable release. According to Xbox mouthpiece Major Nelson, Xbox Live has 35 million active users. If even 10% of them buy Minecraft (a tall order, no doubt), that would more than double the current number of paid Minecraft accounts (roughly 2.5 million).

Making the deal more enticing is the rumor that Minecraft would feature cross-platform play. You could play on your PC; I’d join you from my 360.

On paper, everybody wins. But a closer look at the logistics required for this to work makes me wonder if we aren’t undercutting one of Minecraft’s primary appeals: the undiluted whims of its creator, Notch.

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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Saturday Morning TV: Windows 386

This was used to sell W-W-W-W-Windows to businesses.

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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Sony and Microsoft Keynotes: Two out of E3 Ain’t Bad

E3-logoThe Electronic Entertainment Expo, or E3, is this week. You may have heard.

It’s tough to find an analogue for E3 in other industries. It’s not an awards ceremony, so toss out the Oscars, etc. It’s not really a celebration of daring new work, so toss out the movie festival circuit. It’s not community-oriented, so toss out your PAXes and your Star Trek cons or what-have-you.

E3 is a commercial. A week-long commercial for what’s coming next in the videogame industry. And because people are actually there and can actually get their hands on the games, it’s sort of like an interactive infomercial.

What would an infomercial be without the peddlers? The suits, the celebrity guests, the enthusiastic extras paid to communicate to the audience just how freakin’ awesome the product on display is.

E3 didn’t officially open until today, yet already a number of companies have delivered their annual keynote addresses. Hit the jump for some reactions to two of the big three: Sony and Microsoft.

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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The E3 2011 Press Conferences: What To Expect

e3-electronic-entertainment-expo-20091E3 is a week away. Let me repeat that: this year’s Electronic Entertainment Expo is a week away.

It seems like only a few months ago that Microsoft was unveiling Kinect, Sony was being sweet-talked by Valve, and Nintendo was promising all sorts of first-party fun.

E3 is a lot of things: closed-door meetings, smelly show floors, cosplay competitions. It’s biggest hallmark, however, are the overblown press conferences. Replete with Powerpoint presentations, painfully awkward demos, and even more awkward guests, these hour-long lectures on The Future provide skewed perspectives on what the next year or two will hold for the gaming industry.

The current generation of hardware is roughly five years old. Sales of the Nintendo Wii are slowing, and Sony and Microsoft are attempting to buoy sales with motion controllers. Apple’s siphoning off market share with budget games on sexy new pieces of hardware. PC games on top-shelf hardware are looking to blow consoles out of the way technically.

What will gaming’s Big Three have to say about all this? My predictions await.

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Thursday, April 14, 2011

Windows 8: What's Next for Windows?

A couple weeks back, I did a piece on the next version of Mac OS X and what it was set to bring to the platform. Now, I want to cover the other 90% of the world's computer users and talk about what's next for Windows.

This will involve a bit more mystery and conjecture than the OS X preview, not because Microsoft has suddenly become as secretive as Apple but because Windows 8 is at least a year and a half away at this point, and as such most of what we know about it has either come from Microsoft shills who don't understand how "marketing" works or dubious Russian websites that aren't exactly known for their fact-checking.

That being said, as far as I can tell Windows 8 is shaping up to be quite the release. Let's have a look.
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Friday, March 18, 2011

The Torchlight Grind – A Talk With Max Schaefer

max_pic_superLast Friday, I had the pleasure of chatting with Max Schaefer, CEO of Runic Games.

Runic is the developer behind Torchlight, the loot-driven action RPG that stormed the PC community in late 2009. It followed Valve’s Steam platform to the Mac and came to Xbox Live Arcade just last week as part of Microsoft’s House Party promotion.

Max Schaefer founded Blizzard North and co-founded Flagship Studios and Runic Games. His resume includes Diablo, Diablo II, Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos, and Hellgate: London.

Schaefer and I discuss everything Torchlight – the XBLA port, the sequel, the MMO – as well as the history of loot and what it’s like competing against a behemoth of a former employer. Read on after the jump.

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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Ding Dong! The Zune is Dead

zuneThat’s right, Microsoft is axing its Zune music and video player. Bloomberg reported yesterday that Microsoft has no plans to introduce new versions of the device due to lack of demand.

Microsoft released the Zune in 2006, attempting to claim a share of the mp3 player market with its song-sharing features and non-click wheel interface. Unfortunately, everyone was too busy buying iPods to care. Microsoft tried again in 2009 with the Zune HD, which was generally well-received but failed to compete successfully with the iPod Touch.

The Zune brand, however, is still alive and vaguely kicking. Microsoft rolled the Zune software into its Windows Phone 7, and “Zune” remains the name of Microsoft’s music/video marketplace on the Xbox 360. The company said in an email statement to Bloomberg, “Our long-term strategy focuses on the strength of the entire Zune ecosystem across Microsoft platforms.”

Does anyone else find the phrase “Zune ecosystem” amusing?

If you’re one of the five people who own a Zune, you needn’t worry. Microsoft will continue to support and sell its current devices – that is, until it comes up with another nonsense-named device to replace the Windows Phone 7.

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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Firefox 4 Is Taking Forever and I'm SO MAD

To answer your first question, no, I don't think I could find a nerdier thing to be mad about.

Being the tech dude that I am, I like to use beta and unreleased software, both because I like to live life on the edge and because I like to keep abreast of what's coming down the pike. As such, I've been using Firefox 4 since pretty early in the beta process.

Mostly, I've liked what I've seen, but what I haven't liked so much is that fact that Firefox 4 has been in beta for so damn long. The first beta was release in July - we're now on beta twelve and there's still no solid release date. Firefox 4 is four months late. What the hell is taking so long, and why the hell am I so upset about it?
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Thursday, February 17, 2011

The State of Windows

I write a lot about Apple for this site when I choose to cover the tech beat, and there are plenty of reasons: Apple products are numerically fewer than products from the company's many competitors, making it much easier to talk a little about everything Apple is doing. Apple stuff is often trend-setting, and their products often depart from the established norm. Apple, as a company, retains a sense of showmanship and mystery that makes its every keynote seem a bit like Christmas even when they're talking about routine updates of products that I'll never make enough money to own.

Microsoft's keynotes, on the other hand, play out more like an elementary school assembly where the speaker isn't quite sure what the audience is there to hear. I don't write about them because, most of the time, they're either completely devoid of newsworthy tidbits, or completely boring to the non-technical audience I assume I'm writing for over here.

That doesn't mean I don't use and like some of Microsoft's products - at home, aside from my trusty iPhone and with the exception of an iMac I picked up used mere months ago*, I've always had, used, and generally been happy with lowly Windows PCs. The numbers say that almost 70 percent of Charge Shot!!!'s readership is in the same boat - obviously Microsoft has done something right with its flagship operating system, because most of us haven't stopped using it since the mid-90s. The present, however, is only part of the picture.
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Thursday, January 6, 2011

Torchlight Coming to Consoles, Prepare to Lose Days of Your Life

torchlight_largeRunic Games will not be satisfied.  After moving 800,000 units of their hit PC dungeon-crawler Torchlight, they’ve turned their hungry eyes to the console market. 

Torchlight will hit Xbox Live Arcade next month as part of Microsoft’s House Party promotion.

We never gave Torchlight a proper review on the site – probably because we were too busy playing it.  Anyone who ever played Diablo or the Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance series will feel instantly at home in the dank dungeons beneath the town of Torchlight.  You and your trusty pet venture deeper and deeper, gathering loot and slaying hundreds upon thousands of monsters.  Level up as you journey down, and maybe you’ll even save everyone in the end.

It’s an RPG tale as old as time, but it’s told with whimsical art and writing and plays slickly.  It remains to be seen how the combat and UI will be adapted for console controls, but I have no doubt that the talented team at Runic can figure it out.

For those interested, other games coming in the House Party promotion include Hard Corps Uprising, Full House Poker, Bejeweled Blitz Live, and an HD release of the Ubisoft cult classic Beyond Good and Evil.  I put that BG&E last because it’s the only one I care about after Torchlight.

[via Destructoid]

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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A-Kin to a Piece of Junk

Reports surfaced a few weeks ago that Microsoft is discontinuing the KIN, it's line of underwhelming smart phones. This is not surprising news, as the Kin is a piece of junk (more on that later….although to be fair, as an Apple early adopter, I pretty much think that every Microsoft product is basically a really expensive paperweight with fancy circuitry).

The KIN was marketed, in its short tenure--something like 50 days, maybe even less--as a media machine. The intended audience, the cool media-obsessed twenty-somethings, who would clearly much rather have an iPhone, Blackberry, or Android device.

A bit of background information to put this mobile blunder into context: The pre-curser to the KIN was the much joked about (but actually incredibly forward thinking) Danger Hiptop, also known as the Sidekick. If nobody remembers that particular paperweight, it was a mobile device with an actual keyboard--much bigger, but similar in design to the KIN--that was an early smartphone (originally marketed in 2002).

At the time of its release, a smartphone targeted to younger generations that had so many possibilities to harness the power of the rushing river of social-media that would begin flow just a few short years later (I hear that social media thing is a big deal), was indeed ahead of its time. Owing to terrible marketing, T-Mobile being a second rate cellular company, and the device being generally crappy; the Sidekick never made it into the big-time (except maybe the big-time of jokes made by me at my few friends who had one of these things--you know who you are, I apologize for nothing).

Microsoft bought Danger Incorporated (the original manufacturer of the phone) in 2008. And much like the original device, their KIN failed to impress everybody (although I will say that I recall several Facebook posts from friends praising the device, whether these folks were getting paid by Microsoft remains to be known). This news is awful for Microsoft--However, I don't think people realize how awful it actually is.

A December 2009 Morgan Stanley Internet Report indicates that most future computing will be done by mobile devices. Furthermore, the report posits that the business of technology and computing occurs in cycles (each cycle having winners and losers). In the 80's Microsoft, Cisco, and even Apple (plus a half dozen other companies) were big winners, capturing wealth, market share and thought leadership. In the 90's it was the winners of the internet boom (basically Google). As it stands now, Apple, Blackberry, Google, and the social-media sites du jour (Foursquare anyone?) are winning...Microsoft isn't even in the race.

They still have a massive operation, and even with this latest blunder they should be fine. Even so, Microsoft will need a pretty fantastic hail mary play to get them back in the mobile game. We live now in a tech culture that values innovation more than anything else, Microsoft (even under the guise of Bill Gates) has never been a great innovator. Looking ahead in a world where operating systems and word processors are being offered free or really cheaply (now by major competitors like Apple and Google), and content and hardware bringing in the real big bucks, Microsoft might be in a spot of trouble.

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Monday, June 14, 2010

E3 2010: Microsoft Goes Oprah For Keynote

Microsoft closed their 2010 E3 Keynote Address with a bang.  Going full-on Oprah, Microsoft’s Don Mattrick announced that they were shipping the new, slimmer Xboxes (250 GB hard drive, built-in Wi-Fi, in stores this week) to everyone in attendance.  “Thanks for coming!  Here’s some free stuff to make sure you don’t talk smack on us!”

It’s a bit of a shady move, in my opinion, done solely to engender good will after announcing a parade of unimpressive titles for their new device Kinect.

I watched a girl play with her terrifying digital tiger in Kinectimals.  It wasn’t fearsome or anything; it just had creepiest human eyes I’ve ever seen on a facsimile of an animal.  Then Kudo Tsunoda came out dressed as the Grimace to introduce Kinect Adventures, which just looks like Nick Arcade HD.  There was, of course, a sports game, a kart racer, and a dance game from Harmonix that will somehow manage to teach you cool dance moves while actually making you look less cool. 

Kinect will launch November 4, 2010 with at least 15 titles (one of which looked like a Sonic game – what are they thinking?).  Microsoft’s still being coy about price, but I’m betting on at least $100.

In the pipe for Kinect are a Jedi game from LucasArts, a Forza title, and Ubisoft’s Your Shape: Fitness Evolved, which looks it’s been designed from the ground up to make you feel fat.

Microsoft also took time to demonstrate some of Kinect’s non-gaming abilities: navigating media players and chatting with your friends webcam style.  This is what shined for me (despite some truly heinous demonstrators).  It appears to do exactly what they’re claiming.  If they make this thing compatible with PCs, they could have a huge UI revolution on their hands.

One of Microsoft’s biggest surprises was smuggled into the Kinect section of the keynote.  They’ve signed an exclusive deal with ESPN to stream live and archived content to the Xbox platform.  Deals have been negotiated with college football and basketball, soccer, the NBA, and Major League Baseball.  Microsoft’s rolling these features into the Xbox Live Gold Membership, which actually adds value to a service many have been decrying for years as not worth the entry fee.  This also shows (along with yet another reminder that Windows Phone 7 will link to your Live ID) Microsoft starting to mesh their various divisions into one media conglomerate (see this Wired article on how the Kin is yet another example of Microsoft’s vision of the future).

Conventional game announcements/coverage included more Halo: Reach footage, Call of Duty: Black Ops gameplay, a new Kojima game Metal Gear Solid: Rising (with real-time cutting!), Gears of War 3, something codenamed Kingdoms, and Fable 3 which drops October 26.

At the end of the day, this wasn’t about games.  It was about Kinect, and its new matching Xbox.

I’d recommend Joystiq’s liveblog for extra photo coverage of the event.

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E3 2010: Microsoft Keynote Highlights

microsoft-e3-2010-js-0057 Microsoft’s main topic at today’s keynote was already revealed beforehand: the motion-sensing Project Natal was renamed Kinect, and we got our first look at the final hardware. Since the company’s biggest cards were already on the table, everything else was pretty routine – we can certainly expect sequels to major franchises and cruddy Kinect launch titles just in time for the holiday season!

Read on after the jump for the big stuff.

  • Activision and Microsoft have worked out a timed exclusivity agreement for the next three years, at least where Call of Duty is concerned – map packs and other DLC will show up on the Xbox first before moving on to other platforms.
  • Gears of War 3 appears to offer a multiplayer story mode.
  • Fable 3 is dropping on October 26 – prepare to ratchet up your expectations only to have them crushed by reality.
  • Halo: Reach.
  • Microsoft’s Kinect can enable voice control for the Xbox Dashboard – the presenter navigated through several menus, all by bossing a computer around.
  • ESPN will be bringing both live and on-demand sports exclusively to the Xbox – the NBA, MLB, NCAA, and college football were all name-dropped, representing most of the sports that Americans care about even when they’re not winning. Also, there will be soccer. This is all free for Xbox Live Gold members.
  • Some basic Kinect demos were shown. Imagine the depth of play you find in Wii Sports and put it in high-definition, and you’ll just about be there.
  • Kinect will launch on November 4, with 15 Kinect-enabled titles in tow. Expect them to be hit or miss – the two established properties I see in the list are Sonic the Hedgehog and The Biggest Loser, which should put the quality in context for you.
  • The new, smaller Xbox that was teased in an Italian ad yesterday (see below) is totally for reals: It’s smaller in size, offers a 250GB hard drive and built-in Wi-Fi, is $299, and is shipping to retailers right now. Expect them to be available later this week (if you can find one).
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That’s it! Expect continuing coverage of E3 all this week, including the upcoming Nintendo and Sony keynotes!

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Friday, March 26, 2010

The Misadventures of PB Winterbottom, An Odd Piece of Pie

Last month, Leigh Alexander updated her blog with a brief riff on the current trend of difficulty in indie games.  Speaking with developer and author Ian Bogost prior to the Independent Games Festival, she asked him for his thoughts on the indie scene.  She writes, “His answer was, ‘You mean the puzzle platformer scene? It's awesome, isn't it?’” 

It may sound reductive at first, but Bogost is not spouting falsehoods.  One of the most well-known independent releases was Jonathon Blow’s Braid, a game that is nothing if not a puzzle platformer.  And a pretty damn difficult one, at times.  But that difficulty can be incredibly rewarding.  Discussing the value of brevity in game design, Andrew wrote:

“I could only wrap my mind around four or five of Braid’s puzzles in one sitting – playing much longer, I just couldn’t think the way the game wanted me to think. It’s a game that rewards patience and thoughtfulness in a way that Mario never has – rather than quick, precise button presses, Braid demands creative thinking and problem-solving skills.”

And those processes of creative thinking and problem solving are integral to the game’s albeit indirect narrative about a man learning from his mistakes.  A man attempting to bend time to fit his version of the story, only to find out that he’s been mistaken all along.  In Braid’s case, difficulty is required to make the overcoming of the obstacles that much more rewarding.  And without pointless repetition, the puzzles retain unique flavors, imparting their own gifts at their own pace.

So far I’ve been discussing Braid exclusively, but it’s about time I opened things up to include the newest time-bending indie platformer on the block: The Odd Gentlemen’s The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom.

You see, Winterbottom is also a game that requires creative problem solving.  It, too, is a puzzle platformer.  There’s even a central character who bends time to accomplish his goals, only to realize his misdeeds after it’s too late.  Fortunately for both Braid and Winterbottom, the similarities stop there.

Whereas Braid and other games centered on time mechanics (PoP: The Sands of Time, for one) often include the rewinding or fast-forwarding of time, Winterbottom deals exclusively with the creation and manipulation of clones.  Blurst’s Time Donkey, the Clank levels of the most recent Ratchet & Clank, and the browser title Chronotron all come to mind.  Spawn a clone or two, navigate their level with their help, achieve your objective.  In P.B.’s case, the objective is pie.

I can’t boil it down any further than that.  The dude loves pie.  I can’t confirm if this is actually the case, but P.B. may just as well stand for “Pie Burglar.”  The guy lets a town nearly burn to the ground because he’s too busy stealing pies.  I have to say I admire the dedication to his craft.

Everything goes awry one day when P.B. gets a taste of a crazy time pie, which sends him through some kind of wormhole into a world where he can create clones of himself.  It’s crazy, I know.  But it’s all lovingly rendered in a black-and-white silent movie style, replete with humorous title cards and kickass music.  Whenever you create a P.B. clone, the sound of film passing through an old reel-to-reel projector plays.  Sets of levels are grouped into “movies,” complete with their own charming posters depicting one of P.B.’s various misadventures.  Levels are cleared by collecting all of the pies in each scene of the movie.  The film motif culminates in the final world: a behind-the-scenes look at all of the mischief P.B.’s caused on his hunt for the magic time pie.  The fact that said magical pie looks like it has a face posed to perpetually taunt the pastry thief seals the deal. Wisely, Winterbottom innovates with each movie.  At the beginning, clones do your bidding perfectly.  Then you must collect pies in numerical order.  Then the pies can only be snatched within a certain window of time.  Then your clones start disappearing when a timer runs out.  It gets crazy.  To further discuss clone mechanics would ruin some of the game’s more delicious surprises, but be prepared to hit a few logical walls as you acclimate yourself to each new mechanic.  I often felt overwhelmed by the introduction of a new gameplay wrinkle, but I grew to believe it was more awe at the ingenuity than an actual inability to comprehend.

Were I to nitpick upon compulsion, I’d point to the discrepancy between levels with open-ended solutions and those with single-track solutions.  Each puzzle imposes its own constraints – whether it be a clone time limit, the number of clones, or something to do with pie collection – and successfully improvising within said constraints conjured a specific type of joy in my heart (and taxed brain).  Some levels, however, did not allow for a lot of leeway.  There was a right way and about a billion wrongs ways.  Guess which were easier to find.  I’ll confess to checking YouTube walkthroughs on two of the fifty story levels, simply to confirm that what I was attempting was correct – I was just bad at the execution.  Puzzlers often succumb to the “Guess what the developer wants here” problem, and Winterbottom’s at its best when it eschews that pitfall by affording the player options.

Pie-burgling aside, I’d be remiss if I neglected to comment on Winterbottom’s superb opening sequence.  Watch the video below, paying careful attention to how the world changes beneath P.B.’s feet.

A different type of time-bending is at play here.  Even though the player’s platforming remains unbroken, the environment constantly shifts, creating the sense that P.B.’s embarked on a substantial journey to track down this pie.  He’s dashed out of his house, run along rainy rooftops, jumped off a cliff, and clambered up steps to a magical clock.  It’s a montage, one of the oldest techniques in film, rendered in fluid gameplay.  I’d say I want more people doing this, but then I’d know they were just copying Winterbottom.  It has to start somewhere, I suppose.

On paper, Winterbottom sounds simply like the next logical step in difficult, time-traveling indie platformers.  But the whimsical presentation and fresh mechanics set it apart from the pack.  It’s not subverting genre conventions as a means to deliver narrative (Braid’s got that covered).  It’s taking you on the strange journey of a burglar with one hell of a sweet-tooth.  It’s silly.  It’s brain-teasing.  Plus, there’s pie.

You can pick up The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom on Xbox Live for 800 Microsoft Points – that’s $10 for those of us in the real world.

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Thursday, March 18, 2010

Game Review: Greed Corp

greed-corp-685x300 Only the most avid of PC enthusiasts could disagree with me on this point: the PC has become mostly irrelevant as a gaming platform.

That’s not to say that high-profile games aren’t released on the PC (they are), or that they don’t sell on the PC, or that the PC does not have its adherents. It’s just to say that, when games are released on the PC, they often come later than their console counterparts, they come saddled with ridiculous Draconian DRM, and they’re as buggy as all hell. In terms of major releases by major studios, the PC just doesn’t see many high-profile exclusives, and the console versions of these games nearly always present a better and more stable overall package.

For all that, there are some genres of game where the PC reigns supreme – strategy games have tried to make a splash on the console, in the form of bore-fests like Halo Wars or well-meaning oddities like Tom Clancy’s EndWar, but they’ve always fallen somewhat flat.

That’s not going to keep developer W!Games’ Greed Corp from trying, though. They were kind enough to hook us up with a review copy of Greed Corp, their maiden voyage into the strategy genre, and while it falls prey to many of the shortcomings of a console strategy game, it’s also a surprisingly satisfying bit of software.

greed_corp_profilelarge A note, lest the Halo Wars/EndWar analogy above mislead you: while those games tried to bring a full-on real-time strategy experience to the console, Greed Corp is a turn-based strategy game,which puts it into a category that has done surprisingly well in the age of the online console, the board game.

Greed Corp strikes a balance between typical strategy game resource collection and typical strategy game destruction and bedlam. The object of the game is to survive – its only game mode requires you simply to outlast all of your opponents. This is made difficult by the fact that collecting the resources you need to crush your enemies makes the ground collapse beneath you.

Part of Greed Corp’s fun is its simplicity. Each round begins with you and your opponents placed on a grid of hexagonal platforms. You only have a few different units at your disposal – the Walker, the game’s infantry unit used to claim neutral tiles and take occupied tiles from their occupiers, the Armory, which is used to build Walkers, the Cannon, which is used to fire at distant tiles, the Carrier, which is used to airlift Walkers to distant tiles, and the Harvester, which nets you extra gold at the beginning of each round but slowly and inexorably eats the ground from beneath your feet. That’s it. No upgrades, no special units for different teams, no anything.

In Greed Corp’s single-player mode, you take control of the game’s Freeman faction, which apparently doesn’t want to harvest and thus destroy the land’s bounty as does the game’s Evil Corporation faction. Unfortunately for the Freemen, the only way to fight off their enemies is to use their own tactics against them. The story is, in a word, completely inconsequential – the game’s narrative is clearly an afterthought, and is ancillary to the gameplay in each and every possible way.

Yes, gameplay is this game’s heart, and luckily for W!Games they’ve put together a pretty convincing package. The limited number of units you have to work with and the Harvesters’ effect on the surrounding landscape really make you consider your strategy, and the timed rounds and the fact that the map is literally crumbling all around you heightens the intensity. Nearly every game ends on a map laid waste by your efforts, and no turn can be squandered.

The focused nature of Greed Corp is something of a double-edged sword – while the game is satisfyingly and addictively immediate, the fact is that a single mistake can be the difference between winning and losing a match, and once you’ve moved or built a unit there’s no way to undo that decision.

That fact, when coupled with the fact that no console strategy game has yet figured out how to use a gamepad productively, means that rounds are often lost for stupid reasons. I lost just as many rounds of Greed Corp. to fumble-fingers as I did to the game’s aggressive AI, which I can’t help but classify as a shortcoming.

This generally good core gameplay is backed by clean but workmanlike graphics which are nothing to write home about – the engine is only a hindrance because it sometimes difficult to differentiate one enemy unit from another at a glance. Viewing your enemies’ activities is also a problem at times, since the camera doesn’t always follow their activity during their turns – this is especially troublesome on maps where the same enemy occupies multiple sections of map.

What’s more impressive is the game’s music, which is a wonderful old-timey collection of 1920s-era swing and big band music that perfectly complements the game’s hectic pace.

There’s not much else to say. Greed Corp has its problems, namely a clunky control scheme and an unforgiving assumption that your every input will be free of mistakes. Luckily for it, the game manages to get past this stuff to present an experience that’s both fun and addictive, and even when you lose you’ll almost always want to give it just one more try before throwing in the towel.

W!Games’ Greed Corp is available for $10 on Xbox Live Arcade and the Playstation Network. A PC release is planned. Charge Shot!!! was given a free review copy of the Xbox 360 version for review.

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Friday, March 12, 2010

The (Fictional) Future Is Now

the-future I am not the world’s biggest tech geek.  There are, admittedly, people who write for this very blog who know a hell of a lot more than I do about gadgets, operating systems, emails, etc.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in our increasing relinquishment of flesh-and-blood responsibilities in exchange for technological advances of exponential complexity.  I’m what you might call feverishly intrigued.

I’m also on constant lookout for signs of the impending robot apocalypse.

Recent news, however, has actually gotten me excited for the future, a welcome change from my state of constant fear.  Over the last century, science fiction’s been fervently trying to break into science fact.  When the Japanese get tired of ogling giant Anime robots, they build their own.  When DOD scientists log too many hours on the Xbox, they come into work with super soldier schematics.  Then there’s the guy who turned himself into Bumblebee.

Plenty of modern technological innovations derive at least some inspiration from science fiction, or at least have been so popularized by it that public demand ensures people will strive to create even the most impractical gadgetry (are you telling me you don’t want people to figure out how to make a lightsaber?).  Does everything fit into neat, tidy, Point A-to-Point B relationships?  Of course not.  But that doesn’t mean the connections aren’t there.

Look Ma, No Hands!

Last June, Microsoft dove headfirst into the casual gaming ocean when it announced Project Natal.  This revolutionary camera tech promises “controller-free gaming,” meaning any idiot with limbs and a voice can play Natal games (such an idiot could also just play Charades).  Another magical power Microsoft purports Natal to possess is the ability to scan real world objects and render them in the game’s virtual space.  Think Star Trek Holodeck technology but in reverse. 

It’s been almost a year since the initial announcement, and the public’s still pretty much in the dark about the whole thing.  Natal is supposedly a codename, but no alternative names have surfaced (it’s not like we haven’t seen stupid names take off before).  A 2010 holiday release is expected, but we’ve heard nothing regarding price points or bundles.  The only concrete detail I’ve found is assorted confirmations of some noticeable lag – a flaw that apparently caused Nintendo exec Saturo Iwata to pass on the Natal tech before Microsoft snatched it up.

Natal holds significant promise beyond the world of gaming.  Remember the scenes in Minority Report where a pre-Crazytown Tom Cruise navigates his computer by gesticulating like a maestro?  Imagine never having to touch a grimy keyboard again.  In a world where we can manipulate a device by simply waving at the screen, Apple’s iPad begins to look like a half-measure.  Screw your object-oriented interface.  I want to conduct the opening bars to Beethoven’s Fifth and have my computer queue up the fifth straight-to-DVD Beethoven movie.

It’s you.  You’re the Rocket Man.

During our decade-end coverage last December, I took the Aughts to task for failing to deliver on a myriad of Future promises perpetuated by science fiction: flying cars, robot butlers, ubiquitous space travel.  However, I neglected to mention possibly the most important of them all: jetpacks.

I espoused the allure of the jetpack in my write-up on Dark Void’s ultimately disappointing demo.  Namely, we wingless creatures want to strap onto our backs whatever it is that makes planes go.  We’ve been dreaming of this since the 1920s, and it’s gotten to a point where most of us have moved on with our lives.  We’ve stopped looking at The Rocketeer or Minority Report or Red Faction: Guerrilla and thinking, “That’ll be me someday.” 

There’s hope yet, folks.  According to Tom’s Guide (via Andrew), Martin Aircrafts is currently accepting orders for its Martin Jetpack.  The 250-lb carbon-fiber jetpack runs on old-fashioned dinosaur juice, can climb to heights of 8,000 ft, and should provide up to 30 minutes of sustained flight.  The price tag: a mere $86,000.  Martin hopes to eventually lower its prices once demand increases, and if our sci-fi-infused popular culture is to be believed, there’s a metric fuckton of demand for freaking jetpacks.  Just imagine doing this at 8,000 ft:

Come On Now, Touch Me, Baby

Object-based, touch-screen user interfaces are all the rage.  Apple revolutionized the phone (and mobile computing) market with the iPhone.  Its attempting to do the same with the iPad.  They look poised for at least modest success, seeing as how we’ve grown accustomed to scrolling through menus with our fingers and typing on virtual keyboards.  Despite my affinity for the tactile clickety-clack of actual keys, I’ve always appreciated the flexibility of these devices’ visual real estate.  User input doesn’t have to conform to the standard keyboard/mouse setup.  Input can be tailored to whatever’s onscreen.

But what if there is no screen?

A combined team of scientists from Carnegie Mellon University and Microsoft’s Redmond, WA research lab have harnessed body acoustics to transform your arm into a touchscreen.  Dubbed Skinput, the tech merges low-frequency sound detection with tiny tiny pico projectors.  The user wears an armband on their upper arm, which does two things: detect the sounds made when you tap various locations on your arm and project various images/interfaces onto your arm.  Do I sound like a crazy person come from the future to confuse you?  Just watch.

While developer Chris Harrison discusses Skinput’s creation as arising from work on other projected interfaces, I can’t help but see similarities to the Omni-tools in the Mass Effect universe. Okay, so Skinput can’t hack terminals or “rapidly assemble small three-dimensional objects from common, reusable industrial plastic,” but it can probably connect to devices that can.  Wireless technology (Bluetooth, etc.) can connect Skinput to other devices like your iPod or cell phone.  Also, the shot of him playing Tetris reminds me of that kid in Children of Men playing his puzzle game in the Court of the Crimson King.

Early adopters may look a little silly tapping their veins like heroin addicts trying to find the right song for their morning jog.  But if this can release at a reasonable price point and in a comfortable armband, Skinput should go over like gangbusters.

I’m Sorry I Doubted You, Future

As I said before, I’ve spent the better part of the transition out of the Aughts railing against this Willennium of ours for not giving me all the comforts of a Jetsonian world.  Clearly I was wrong.  Jetpacks are coming.  Soon I won’t need my hands to play videogames.  And if I want to use my hands, I can just play games on my hands.  Thanks, science fiction!

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Thursday, March 11, 2010

Borderlands, the Endless Game

504x_borderlands_box_art I picked up a copy of Gearbox’s RPG-shooter hybrid Borderlands on launch day after some prodding by Rob, and because all of the pre-release press called it basically a first-person Diablo with guns. I was reluctant, but I quickly came around.

Borderlands was one of our favorite games of 2009, not least because it was not a sequel to something in a holiday season that was predictably filled with sequels to stuff. We enthusiastically agreed to do a group review of the game, probably because none of us wanted to stand by while someone else got to gush about this game for a few hundred words.

We never got around to that review. It might be because we’re lazy, shiftless assholes with real jobs who don’t want to spend time reading each others’ writing. It could also be because we’re still playing this game.

The game itself

Borderlands is, like 98% of all video games, a Shooter of the First-Person variety (the other 2% is 1% artsy puzzle-platformers indie games, 1% other ). The twist in this case is the RPG part of the equation – you pick a character class at the game’s outset, your character levels up, you spend a lot of time allocating skill points, and you quickly become obsessed with collecting the loot that rains from your enemies’ dead bodies like candy from a piñata.

The game also plays a little in Grand Theft Auto’s sandbox, featuring a structure that is mostly mission-based (“go here, do this, repeat”) and generally ignoring story in favor of anarchical mayhem. The game does have a sense of humor just off-kilter enough to be endearing, even though it doesn’t seem like the game knows what it wants to do with its sense of the humor most of the time.

And there are cars, and enemies with ridiculous names like Badass Corrosive Skag, and your character can throw exploding punches if you really want him to. If you’re a fan of either shooters or RPGs, Borderlands’ barely-contained madness is going to strike a chord with you.

It’s dangerous to go alone

borderlands_e3_screenshot_6 It’s a blast to play by yourself, but where Borderlands really shines is in its cooperative multiplayer. Any of your friends can hop into your game and run and gun with you at any time without interrupting your progress, and the game’s only response is to scale the difficulty accordingly.

Occasional weird sync issues aside, this is where you find the true meat of Borderlands – playing with others adds a certain something to the game that it’s missing in the regular single player mode, whether you’re in over your head in a cave full of enemies or driving off into the distance, leaving your friend to curse your name and watch you disappear over the horizon.

This is the game that never ends

Second only to the multiplayer on the list of things I like about Borderlands is Gearbox’s aggressive downloadable content strategy – plenty and often. The first download, The Zombie Island of Dr. Ned, was a solid reiteration of the game proper’s tropes set in an environment that was actually a little different from the one or two looks that the rest of the game had. The second, Mad Moxxi’s Underdome Riot, changed things up a bit by focusing on arena-style battles instead of free-ranging missions. The most recent piece, The Secret Armory of General Knoxx, moved the game into full-on World of Warcraft mode, raising your character’s level cap and adding new vehicles and weapons in with the requisite new missions and levels.

The WoW comparison, distasteful as it might be to some, is actually more apt than most – Gearbox’s Paul Hellquist gave an interview earlier this week in which he suggested the possibility of even more downloadable content to come, and a suit from Borderlands’ publisher Take-Two went far enough to say that new content is coming.

Couple those statements with the fact that Borderlands continues to sell well past the one-or-two-month window where most big games make the majority of their sales and the fact that all of the downloadable content packs have been Xbox Live bestsellers, and you’ve got yourself a game that isn’t going anywhere.

The review does end though, guys, sorry

clap Borderlands has its share of problems. Your cars frequently move as though they were filled entirely with helium, which is equal parts hilarious and frustrating. The graphics are serviceable but the game worlds are almost universally the drab gray-and-brown that game developers can’t get away from of late. The story is both nonsensical and inconsequential, and the final boss battle is the very definition of anticlimax. I hope I didn’t spoil anything for you, but if I did, I’m sorry I spoiled your disappointment by allowing you time to prepare yourself for it.

Those flaws are there, but they are part of its character, and part of what makes it the solid B+ game that we enjoy so much around these parts. I can’t recommend it enough, and if Gearbox has its way, I’ll probably not be able to stop recommending it to you for quite awhile.

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Friday, March 5, 2010

Having Fun for Charity with Chime

Chime_Coverart Gaming and charity share an interesting relationship.

On one hand, you’ve got Penny Arcade’s mammoth Child’s Play program.  It started in 2003, when the guys behind gaming’s most popular webcomic collected game and cash donations to provide an extra special Christmas for their local children’s hospital.  Now, it serves almost 70 partner hospitals, inspires crazy gaming marathons, and generates upwards of a million dollars each year.

On the other hand, you’ve got everyone else.  Child’s Play, thanks in no small part to Penny Arcade’s massive following, casts a large shadow.  It’s hard to know to whom to give or what to do if you’d like to help out outside their specific organization.  Last October, the game journos at Rebel FM recorded a special podcast to inform listeners about the Children’s Miracle Network.  After the earthquake in Haiti, Microsoft promised to donate relief funds if enough people logged on for a session of Halo 3: ODST (my compatriot Rob and I did our part – and got slaughtered by the Covenant).  Both are excellent examples of gamers banding together to make a difference, but it’s easy to miss announcements of these causes amidst the persistent blogroll of studio closures, press releases, and well-endowed figurines.

OneBigGame is one such charitable organization I feel deserves more attention.  Founded in 2006 by Martin de Ronde and others, this non-profit publisher “seeks to raise money to solve problems afflicting children everywhere, by creating videogames through a collaborative industry-wide effort.”  It’s motto: “Play, so others can.”  To execute its mission, OneBigGame publishes games and then donates sizable portions of the proceeds to charity. 

They released their first publication a few weeks ago.  Chime, developed by British studio Zoë Mode, is a music-based puzzler available via the Xbox Live Arcade service.  Players who purchase the game can rest assured that at least 60% of the measly five-dollar price tag goes to a good cause.  Your “donation” even earns you a hefty Achievement!  Just buying the game should make you feel all warm and fuzzy.  But is playing it any fun?

Hell yeah.

It’s hard not to see the imprints of puzzle games past in Chime’s excellent gameplay.  Players place shapes (which are reminiscent of Tetris) on a grid (similar to that of Lumines) in order to score points and amass coverage (in a fashion akin to Qix or Jezzball).  Shapes fit together to form quads, which clear whenever they’re struck by the constantly-moving beat line (back to Lumines).  Forming successive quads increases your multiplier, and that scores you more points.  Quads also contribute to your overall coverage of a level.  In timed mode, increased coverage means more time to play, and covering 100% of the level serves up a healthy point bonus and clears the grid so you can start anew.It's less complicated than it looks. While the puzzle aspect is certainly a unique evolution of tried-and-true ideas, Chime’s real hook is its integration of music into gameplay.  Zoë Mode’s resume includes more than a few music games, including Guitar Hero song packs, so they have plenty of experience chopping up master tracks and assigning the bits to in-game actions.  You won’t be pressing orange and green buttons along with guitar riffs, however.  The music is generated vertically in a way, as opposed to simply moving forward through a prerecorded track.  Pieces placed on the grid generate notes, with location affecting pitch.  When quads are formed, they cause musical phrases to bubble up out of the ether.  As you cover more and more of the level, more and more of the song plays. 

Of course, not every song is suited for the Chime treatment.  Wisely, Zoë Mode only included tracks that seem to benefit by being broken down and reassembled.  Moby, Lemon Jelly, Paul Hartnoll of Orbital, Markus Schulz, and Philip Glass all provided songs gratis for the game.  The first four artists are all DJs, purveyors of various subsets of electronic music.  And I’m not surprised that electronica works wonders in Chime.  The individual loops and samples, whether they are ambient squeaks and beeps or the robotic voice in Moby’s “Ooh, Yeah,” do not need to be experienced linearly.  There is a constant beat, of course; it’s not as if you’re creating the song wholly from scratch.  But much of this genre is about gradual increases in complexity – a perfect aural parallel to Chime’s entrancing gameplay.

In rereading that last paragraph, you may notice the name Philip Glass.  Yes, the composer did lend his track “Brazil” to the game.  At first, I was skeptical, but it’s actually my favorite of the five songs available.  His repetitive, minimalist style fits the game perfectly.  A constant percussion phrase underscores most of the level, while quads summon everything from sighing strings to dancing flutes.  If you need any more convincing that Glass is perfect gaming music (or you need a more succinct explanation of Chime), watch this video:

You should play Chime.  I can’t stress that enough.  Play it for charity.  Play it to challenge yourself in timed mode or to relax in free mode.  Play it because it splices that sense of accomplishment puzzle-solving provides with the particular pleasure that comes with creating music.  Play it, so others can.

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Friday, February 26, 2010

Divinity II: Ego Draconis - Knights, Dragons, and Bugs, Oh My!

Divinity II Ego Draconis I’m sure you’re looking at the title of this article and thinking, “What the hell is Divinity II: Ego Draconis?”  A few weeks ago, I was in the same boat.  It wasn’t ‘on my radar,’ as we consumers of media like to say.  It’s an unfortunate RPG that gets released sandwiched between two of BioWare’s most highly-anticipated games.  Let’s just say the news cycle was preoccupied.

Here’s what I knew about the game prior to its release:

- It’s an RPG.
- It’s a sequel in a European dungeon-crawler franchise and is the series’ first 3D entry.
- You can turn into a dragon.

Call me crazy, but that last one was enough to pique my interest.  Lots of role-playing games tout – among such features as ‘intriguing narratives’ and ‘60+ hours of gameplay’ – a unique gameplay hook, usually related to if not outright using the phrase ‘battle system.’  Think Fallout 3’s VATS Targeting System, Final Fantasy XII’s Gambit System, or the timing-based attacks of Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story.  However, none are as blunt as Divinity II’s bullet point: Be a Dragon.

I couldn’t help but wonder how the rest of the game would measure up to the potential of this one simple promise.  Or how it would make good on that promise.  I got a chance to answer these questions after developer Larian Studios and publisher cdv Software were kind enough to send us a copy. 

Divinity II runs on a version of the surprisingly versatile Gamebryo engine.  Other notable titles to use the engine include Firaxis’ Civilization IV, Warren Spector’s upcoming Epic Mickey, and the aforementioned Fallout 3.  I mention this because anyone who’s spent anytime in Fallout’s Capital Wasteland will recognize the myriad chinks in the engine’s armor.  Framerates stutter.  Lighting alternates between being moody and evocative and someone-please-light-a-torch-I-can’t-see-shit dim.  Geometry (boxes, rocks, etc.) will inexplicably trap your character, leaving you with no option but to boot up your most recent save.  And it best be recent.  Being an O.G. computer RPG, Divinity II autosaves incredibly infrequently.  Save often, or be prepared to lose hours of hard-fought progress.

However, I can’t promise you that frequent saving will, ahem, save you from drastic setbacks.  I regularly encountered game-crashing bugs: cutscenes would end without returning control of my character; occasionally, I’d load a save and just be dead.  A recent patch reduced the occurrence of these bugs, yet failed to eradicate them.  I persevered in spite of these issues, but I’ll admit to having jammed on the power button and walking away more than once.

It’s worth noting that I’m playing the 360 version, and it’s possible some of these issues (specifically ones of graphical fidelity) may not be as prevalent on PC.  I’m also not one to harp on technical issues (I quite enjoyed my trek through Fallout’s buggy mess).  But I can’t remain silent when a game’s underlying code so clearly hinders the overall experience.

And Divinity II is certainly an experience.  Its world, Rivellon, is dense with fiction.  Like, rainforest dense.  Scores of searchable crates and barrels (yes, it’s that old school) contain, among other things, innumerable tomes, letters, and books – fleshing out the world to the point of super saturation.  It’s impossible to discredit the ambition on display; it’s clear the team has thought about this world a lot.  I couldn’t bring myself to actually read every damn pamphlet or book of limericks I picked up, but the promise of bonus experience or skills points made sure I cracked the spines on most of them.

The actual plot, buried beneath layers of backstory, plays out without much fanfare.  You play a newly-minted Dragon Knight, out to save the world from dragons and a returning evil dude named Damien (subtle, huh?).  It’s not long before you find yourself fighting Damien’s minions, aiding dragons, and eventually becoming one. 

Too bad it doesn't look this good on 360. It’s a shame, however, that the main conceit of Divinity II – as I said, being a dragon – occurs so late in the game.  It’s not until the last fourth of the game that you gain the ability to become a mythical flying lizard at will.  Controlling your dragon form feels a lot like an all-range mode adaptation of the on-rails Panzer Dragoon games.  You fly around, blasting enemies with fireballs, razing enemy anti-air emplacements.  Rarely do the dragon portions (which are generally separated from quests on foot) challenge the player, which is a welcome change from the rest of the game’s criminally insane difficulty.

I don’t consider myself bad at games.  And I’ve been playing RPGs for a while, so I feel like I have a more-than-basic understanding of character building and combat techniques.  But I have to wonder if I’m missing something mechanically in Divinity II because the act of progressing forward often reached Sisyphean levels of difficulty.  I’m talking hurl-your-controller, save-after-every-kill hard.

This is mostly an issue of imbalance between the game’s various systems.  Enemies, as far as I can tell, never respawn.  When the going gets tough and you desperately require gold (which only drops intermittently) to purchase a much-needed healing potion (which costs way too much), there’s no opportunity to grind your way out of the predicament.  It wasn’t until the latter half of the final chapter that I felt even with the game’s curve, before that having spent hours feeling woefully inadequate.You will fight a lot of dudes.  It will ALWAYS be hard. As I said regarding the game’s technical issues, this is all a case of a game getting in the way of itself.  In addition to the looming “I, of the Dragon” concept, Divinity II’s two devices worth trumpeting are the mindreading mechanic and the Battle Tower.  The ability to read minds (a power wielded by the Dragon Knights) is an excellent subversion of the tried-and-true dialogue tree.  For the cost of some experience points, you peer into an NPCs mind and occasionally glean useful information.  It might be the location of an item, useful quest info, or an embarrassing secret that will force a sheepish shopkeep to lower his prices.  The mystery unravels a bit once you realize that a big XP cost means a big secret.  I’d like to see someone build on this mechanic, as I think it has potential to really freshen up a somewhat dusty mainstay of the genre.

The Battle Tower is one of the more unique hubs I’ve experienced in an RPG, though, like the whole dragon thing, it comes a little late to fulfill its full potential.  An interesting midgame quest has you rounding up skilled personnel with which to staff your tower: an alchemist, a trainer, a necromancer, and a smithy.  You choose between two of each position, and the people you don’t pick get fucking murdered.  Why?  I’ve no clue.  But it’s incredibly savage and kind of cool.  After the survivors move into your tower, you can use them to craft items, beef your skill tree, and construct a minion out of spare body parts.  A neat ripple effect of the staff selection process is that each person has their own set of sidequests, providing ample endgame content for someone who’s slogged their way through a punishing first half. 

And for me, that sentiment rings true for Divinity II as a whole.  The game takes a sharp turn for the better just before the plot’s final push.  Your abilities will feel useful.  Your Tower will produce support items at a reasonable enough clip.  Dragon flight/combat is fun if not a little wonky.  Save a few recurring bugs, the end of the game satisfies.  If only it weren’t such a battle getting there.


You can purchase
Divinity II: Ego Draconis for the PC or Xbox 360 for $39.99.  If you’re trying to decide which platform, may I (having only played the Xbox version) strongly suggest the PC.

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Friday, February 19, 2010

Achieving Nothing

I'm never gonna give you up, Rick Astley. The current generation of videogames place immense significance on arbitrary markers of success.  No longer are we content to boast, “I got past World 3-1!”  Now we need constant rewards, constant reminders of our progress, available in the form of digital merit badges.  And we need these things in the way we ‘need’ an iPad: we need Achievements because Microsoft told us so.

Achievements originated on Microsoft’s Xbox Live service, part of what the Xbox team dubbed a ‘meta-game’ (more on that later).  As players took to the concept, it quickly infiltrated Valve’s PC-only Steam service, Sony’s Playstation 3 in the form of Trophies, and even World of Warcraft.  The concept: accomplish a specific in-game task, receive an Achievement as record of said accomplishment. 

I’ve written before about how Achievements can reinforce a game’s aesthetic, whether it be through clever titling or thoughtful assignment to narrative or thematic touchstones.  This is the best-case scenario for Achievements, at least on a game-by-game basis.  Worst-case, they’re entries on a meaningless checklist.  Parts of a bland, paint-by-numbers breakdown of what a game has to offer.

Outside of their impact on a single game, Achievements (at least in Microsoft’s system) exist to pad one’s overall Gamerscore.  A boxed, retail title offers a potential 1000G (G for Gamerscore), often divvied up among 40-60 Achievements.  Currently, the Gamerscore is devoid of value save that with which one’s OCD infuses it.

I recently crested the 10000G plateau.  And what does that mean?  Absolutely nothing.

Microsoft refers to the whole Gamerscore thing as a ‘meta-game.’  What does that mean?  It means they envision the entire system as a means of competing with your friends.  Some ‘in touch with the youth’ exec probably had wet dreams of teens gathering at lunch, talking heated smack about which Achievements they’d unlocked:  “Oh snap, I got 300 more points in Halo 3 than you!” “But my mom wouldn’t let me buy the new map packs…” “Well why the fuck not?” “Well ever since my dad got laid off last year—” “Pussy!”

Or something like that.

But I can’t believe that was all they dreamt of when the idea first popped into their heads.  I can’t believe it, and yet it’s true.  Here’s Aaron Greenberg, Xbox Live group product manager, speaking to The Hollywood Reporter in 2007:

"The idea was that every time you'd unlock an achievement in a game, you'd be rewarded with a little badge or icon that was added to your gaming profile… As your Gamerscore increased, so would your reputation within the community."

That’s it?  No overarching scheme?  No plan to reward people with anything real?  It’s nothing more than what Epic’s Cliff Bleszinski dubs in the same THR article ‘nerd cred’?  Greenberg goes on to cite the 360’s impressive 5-1 (games/console) attach rate (as of ‘07, of course), citing Gamerscore as the main reason.  I’m almost appalled by the brazenness with which Greenberg flaunts the fancy chinchilla coats Microsoft bought after dealing digital crack.

Why take umbrage at a sound, if not mildly insidious, business plan that’s clearly worked out for Microsoft?  Because it could be so much more.  Rewards should be doled out for Gamerscore milestones.  Reach a certain tier, receive a pittance in Microsoft Monopoly Money.  Nab all the Achievements in a popular Microsoft-published title, win a chance to participate in a closed beta.  This isn’t hard, guys.  I’ve got plenty of ideas on this track, and I’m not even a slick-haired marketing genius.

Some cursory research explains why Microsoft has refrained from attaching any sort of real meaning to Achievements.  It’s apparently remarkably easy (caveat: by easy, I mean set-up-your-own-wireless-network-replete-with-firewalls-and-printers-in-every-room easy – nerd easy) to hack the hell out of your Gamerscore.  Some programs let you dig your grimy, thieving fingers right into your Gamer Profile and flick on Achievements like so many tripped breakers.  In dank alleys all along the information superhighway, gamers hungry for an Achievement fix trade game saves and rips, illegally pooling their efforts.  Microsoft’s taken to cracking down on and branding those caught cheating, but the budding Achievement community on Games for Windows Live (the PC equivalent to Xbox Live) can only mean more PC-fueled piracy.

Then there are the games no one would play were it not for the points.  No one, I repeat, no one played more than an hour of Peter Jackson’s King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie (great name, there) because they liked it.  They did it because the game had nine Achievements, each worth at least 100G.  According to Giant Bomb’s Achievement page, the entirety of Avatar: The Last Airbender – The Burning Earth’s Gamerscore can be obtained in “about two minutes (including menus and skipped cutscenes) by running to the side of the first screen and spamming the B button.”  These games break the system by ignoring it.  Easy Achievements have their place, but if the system’s to have a purpose beyond nonsensical bragging, 1000-point freebies like these can’t exist.

In a similar vein, the current Achievement system shuns the Wild West that is the Xbox Live Indie Game realm.  I can’t say I blame them on this one.  To preserve even the minute degree of integrity Gamerscores now possess, Microsoft simply can’t allow exquisite crap like Don’t B Nervous Talking 2 Girls or Remote Masseuse to bestow Achievements.  Were those floodgates opened, you know there’d be a Lolcats game that’d just be a photobook with Achievements like “U Saw All Teh Pixorz.”  Effectively, it’d create an Achievement store.  Scores of college kids programming cheap indie titles that give you 25 points because you just gave them beer money.  The Indie tab of the Marketplace is scary enough; it needn’t get any worse.

For the time being, we’re stuck with Achievements that are no more meaningful than a high score on a Frogger machine.  And I can see the reasons why.  But I can’t help thinking they could be more creative, more meaningful.  Now that everyone (and I do mean everyone) is aping the Achievement game, Microsoft needs to kick it up a notch.  Throw a bone to the people with Silver accounts.  Do something to justify the man-hours, the carpal tunnel, the not-so-good games we beat for the Achievements.  10000 of anything can’t be this pointless.

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